


Boys & Their Toys

by orphan_account



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 11:51:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11850993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Yūri!” Phichit exclaims, picking up the phone on the third ring.“What does it mean when your neighbor gives you a dildo?” Yūri asks without preamble.On the other end of the line, he hears something that sounds like choking, followed by a series of violent coughs.





	Boys & Their Toys

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this quickly and it's not beta read or edited so #yolo or whatever. also i haven't written for YOI before and have only read like two YOI fics, so...
> 
> also, as the rating states, there's no sex in this. it's just cheesy, silly stuff.

Yūri is having a perfectly normal Tuesday evening until he hears a knock on his apartment door.

He’s sprawled out on his couch with his laptop on his stomach in what’s probably the most unattractive position he could possibly lie in, and for a moment, he just stares at the door. He can’t remember inviting anyone over, so he pulls up his email, checking for any maintenance notifications he somehow missed.

Whoever’s at his door knocks again.

Yūri hesitates, looking at the door suspiciously, but then sighs and closes his laptop. He makes his way over to the door reluctantly to peer through the peephole – and nearly has a heart attack.

Hot Neighbor VictorTM is standing outside his door.

For a moment, Yūri panics. He’s been drooling over Hot Neighbor VictorTM ever since he moved in three months ago, but Yūri hasn’t quite found the courage to actually talk to him yet. Yūri’s palms feel sweaty as he looks down at the plain grey sweatpants and ratty t-shirt he’s wearing, wondering if he should quickly go change into something with less holes.

However, when he glances out the peephole again, he sees Hot Neighbor VictorTM start to walk away from the door, so he flings it open without a second thought.

“Sorry! I was – I just – ” Yūri blurts out, almost stumbling out the door and onto Hot Neighbor VictorTM. “Hi?”

“Hello!” Hot Neighbor VictorTM chirps in softly accented English. His smile is somehow heart-shaped and it’s adorable.

“Hi,” Yūri says again, like an idiot.

“I just stopped by to give you this,” Hot Neighbor VictorTM says, and for the first time Yūri notices that he’s carrying a brown cardboard package. “It ended up at my place instead of yours.”

“Oh,” Yūri replies, accepting the package awkwardly. He doesn’t remember ordering anything recently. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem,” Hot Neighbor VictorTM replies, giving Yūri another smile that seems almost too bright to be real. From this close, Yūri can see how blue his eyes are, like something out of a glacier photo in National Geographic, and Yūri’s more than a little captivated.

Yūri doesn’t know what to say, and so for a moment the two of them just stand in the doorway in awkward silence. Before Yūri can think of anything, though, Hot Neighbor Victor’sTM phone rings.

“I’ll see you around?” Hot Neighbor VictorTM says.

“Sure! Definitely,” Yūri babbles, and Hot Neighbor VictorTM gives him another charming smile, before excusing himself and heading off down the hallway.

Yūri stares at him for longer than is probably socially acceptable. Finally, though, he finds the wherewithal to retreat back into his apartment, shutting the door firmly and then heading back into the living room. He sets the package down on his rickety coffee table and then goes to grab a pair of scissors from the kitchen.

He doesn’t bother to inspect the label very carefully as he opens the package. The box itself is relatively small, although when he cracks it open, he finds that most of it is filled with bubble-wrap. He untangles the bubble-wrap, his interest piqued, but once he finally gets to the object concealed inside, he nearly drops it.

It’s a dildo. A very purple dildo.

For a moment, Yūri just stares at it. To be entirely honest, he’s never actually seen one in person. The last time he’d tried going to go to a sex shop, he’d chickened out at the door after seeing a rather elaborate display of bondage gear in the shop window, and although he’s looked at toys online, he’s never quite mustered the courage to actually buy one.

Briefly, Yūri wonders what sort of weird results he’d get if he googled “what to do when your hot neighbor gives you a dildo.”

Instead of getting out his laptop, though, Yūri picks up his phone.

“Yūri!” Phichit exclaims, picking up on the third ring.

“What does it mean when a guy gives you a dildo?” Yūri asks without preamble.

On the other end of the line, he hears something that sounds like choking, followed by a series of violent coughs. In fact, Yūri’s on the verge of calling an ambulance, when Phichit finally says, “Yūri, next time check to make sure I’m not drinking bubble tea before you say stuff like that.”

“Sorry,” Yūri says weakly.

“Also if you got a boyfriend and didn’t tell me about it, I’m going to be so mad,” Phichit warns.

“I don’t have a boyfriend!” Yūri protests, his cheeks flushing a little pink.

“Then who’s giving you dildos?” Phichit asks.

“My neighbor?” Yūri replies awkwardly, eyeing the dark purple dildo lying on his coffee table.

“And you haven’t called the police yet?” Phichit exclaims, and Yūri winces a little at his volume.

“It’s just a dildo,” Yūri says, fiddling with one of the holes in the hem of his t-shirt. “And it’s not like he did or said anything weird. He just said hello, gave me this box, and left.

“Yūri,” Phichit says slowly, and there’s something about his tone that makes Yūri want to fidget. “You’re not freaking out about this as much as I thought you would. What neighbor gave you this dildo?”

“Um,” Yūri replies, his cheeks turning a little pink. “Victor?”

“Hot Neighbor VictorTM gave you a dildo,” Phichit repeats. Yūri can almost hear the TM symbol. “Hot Neighbor VictorTM who you’ve never actually talked to before.”

“Yes?” Yūri says tentatively.

“Huh,” Phichit replies, thoughtful. “Congrats, I guess? That’s still kind of creepy, though.”

“But what does it _mean_?” Yūri asks, his tone dangerously close to a whine.

“Well usually if a guy gives you a dildo, it means he wants you to use it,” Phichit snorts. “Either on yourself or on him. Maybe both.”

For a moment, Yūri’s brain short-circuits at the thought of Hot Neighbor VictorTM fucking himself on the lurid purple dildo. Somehow the color is less of a turn-off than Yūri thought it would be.

(Not that he thinks about Hot Neighbor VictorTM in sexual situations often. Maybe once or twice. Or three times.)

“Yūri? Yūri!”

Phichit’s voice breaks Yūri out of his burgeoning fantasy.

“Yes! What?” Yūri sputters, tearing his eyes away from the dildo sitting on his coffee table.

“I know he’s hot, but please make sure he’s not some sort of stalker before sticking your dick in him or vice versa,” Phichit sighs, and Yūri feels his cheeks flush again. “Giving people random dildos is kind of weird.”

“I’m not going to – ” Yūri protests.

“Yes you are,” Phichit snorts, and now it’s Yūri’s turn to sigh. “Now I’m going to hang up, because there are a couple of people at this café who are starting to give me weird looks. If you don’t call or text me again within the next twenty-four hours, though, I’m calling the police on Hot Neighbor VictorTM.”

“Alright,” Yūri replies weakly.

“Great!” Phichit chirps. “Have fun, but stay safe!”

With that, Phichit hangs up, leaving Yūri to stare at the purple dildo in silence.

\---

Yūri does not use the dildo. He does run into Hot Neighbor VictorTM the next afternoon, though.

Generally, Yūri doesn’t get much mail, beyond the occasional letter from his parents. He has all of his banking and such set up electronically, so the only things he finds in his mailbox most days are just advertisements.

He’s cleaning pizza coupons out of his mailbox when he hears someone say, “Expecting another package?” and nearly jumps out of his skin in surprise.

Somehow he’d missed Hot Neighbor VictorTM walking into the mailroom, and he flounders for a moment, trying to think of something to say other than, “Why did you give me a dildo?”

“Um,” is all he manages.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself yesterday, did I?” Hot Neighbor VictorTM says, smiling and extending a hand for Yūri to shake. “I’m Victor. I live in apartment 307.”

“I know,” Yūri blurts out before his brain catches up with his mouth.

Hot Neighbor VictorTM blinks at him in confusion.

“Your name’s on your mailbox,” Yūri explains, gesturing awkwardly at the mailbox next to his own.

“Oh,” Hot Neighbor VictorTM replies, blinking at the mailboxes.

“It’s nice to officially meet you, though,” Yūri adds quickly, forcing a smile. “I’ve seen you around, but you always seem like you’re in a rush and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Well, I should apologize for not being a more welcoming neighbor, then,” Hot Neighbor VictorTM replies, giving Yūri another charming smile. Yūri feels a little dazed. “I’ll do my best to make up for it.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it,” Yūri says, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “I haven’t actually introduced myself either, so it’s not like it’s all your fault.”

“Yūri Katsuki, right?” Hot Neighbor VictorTM asks. “I look forward to getting to know you better.”

With that, he shoots Yūri one more charming smile, grabs his mail, and then leaves the mailroom. He shoots Yūri a wink over his shoulder as he leaves and Yūri squeezes the pizza coupon in his hands so tightly that it’s rumpled beyond repair.

\---

(Yūri tries out the dildo that night and can’t even look at the thing for the next two days without blushing.)

\---

Somehow, it seems like Hot Neighbor VictorTM is everywhere Yūri looks now. They run into each other in the mailroom and in the hallways, a handful of times in the elevator, and once in a café a couple of blocks from the apartment building. In fact, it’s gotten to the point that Yūri’s found himself start to think of Hot Neighbor VictorTM as just Victor from time to time.

That’s not to say that Victor isn’t still hot. He definitely is, but now Yūri knows that he keeps Jamba Juice coupons and orders raspberry vanilla scones at the coffee shop, so he’s not just Hot Neighbor VictorTM anymore. Also, if Yūri lets himself focus on Victor’s hotness too much, he invariably remembers the purple dildo, and there’s no more surefire way to make his face turn bright red in the middle of an innocuous conversation with Victor.

“Makkachin – ”

Yūri’s just headed out the front door of the apartment building for a morning run when he finds his path cut off by a very large, very fluffy poodle.

“Woah,” Yūri exclaims as the overly excited dog jumps up on him, tail wagging furiously. “Hey, there.”

The poodle lets out a soft bark, tongue lolling, and Yūri smiles, reaching down to pet the poodle’s soft brown curls.

“I am _so_ sorry,” a familiar voice exclaims, and Yūri looks up to find Victor jogging up to him, an unattached leash in his hand. “Makkachin’s normally much better behaved than that, but for some reason – ”

“It’s fine,” Yūri replies, smiling down at the poodle – Makkachin, apparently – and waving off Victor’s concerns. “I didn’t realize you had a dog.”

“She’s been with a friend back in Russia for the past couple of months while I sorted out her paperwork,” Victor explains, crouching down next to Makkachin and ruffling her fur. Makkachin lets out an excited bark. “It’s good to have her back.”

“I know what you mean,” Yūri says, a soft smile spreading across his lips as he crouches down too, getting on eye level with Makkachin and Victor. “I hated leaving my dog behind when I moved to the US. She was the same breed as yours, actually.”

“Oh,” Victor says, and Yūri looks up from Makkachin to find Victor giving him a look that’s somewhere between surprise and pity. “I can’t imagine leaving Makkachin behind completely.”

“I was living in a college dorm at the time, so I couldn’t bring her even if I wanted to,” Yūri replies, gently running his fingers through Makkachin’s fur. “My parents took good care of her, though.”

“Well,” Victor says, his eyes slowly moving between Yūri and Makkachin, “if you want, you could help me walk Makkachin.”

The offer takes Yūri off guard. Victor’s expression is sincere, though, and while part of Yūri is still itching to go for his run, spending time with both Victor and Makkachin is very tempting. Makkachin’s sweet and it’s been a long time since Yūri actually got to play with a dog. He hadn’t had the heart to get another one after Vicchan died and he doesn’t know anyone else with a dog. As nice as Phichit’s hamsters are, they’re not the same.

“Okay,” Yūri finds himself answering. “If you don’t mind, I mean – ”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I minded,” Victor replies, a cute smile spreading across his lips. “And this way I get to spend more time with you.”

He winks and Yūri finds his face heating. Despite the occasional flirty comment, in all of their conversations, Victor’s never actually said anything explicit or even suggestive. It’s a little strange, considering their whole relationship started with Victor giving him a dildo.

Then again, Victor’s never even mentioned the dildo. Maybe it was supposed to go to someone else and there was a mix up?

“Yūri?” Victor says, breaking Yūri out of his thoughts.

“Ah, sorry, I zoned out for a second there,” Yūri replies with a small, awkward laugh.

“What were you thinking about?” Victor asks, mild curiosity in his expression.

 _Why did you give me a dildo?_ Yūri thinks, but doesn’t say aloud. Instead he lies, and says, “Just Vicchan.”

“Vicchan?” Victor repeats, his eyebrows rising up towards his (somewhat receding) hairline.

“My dog,” Yūri explains quickly. Between them, Makkachin turns to Yūri and nuzzles his palm with her wet nose.

“So I guess I’m only the second most important Victor in your life, then,” Victor teases, and Yūri feels a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Well, when I was in college there was a Victor in my statistics class who shared his notes with me,” Yūri says, his smile broadening. “Third place is still on the podium, right?”

“I’m offended that you’d even say that. I always go for gold,” Victor huffs, but his tone is still playful. “Now, do you want to hold Makkachin’s leash as we walk to the dog park?”

“See, you’re already well on your way to second place,” Yūri replies, and when Victor’s finished clipping the leash to Makkachin’s collar, he accepts the handle.

“And if I bought you coffee, would that put me higher in the ranking, too?” Victor asks, and although his tone is light, there’s a certain new weight to his words.

Yūri blinks at him for a moment, caught off guard, and then says, “I’d like that.”

Victor gives him another cute, heart shaped smile and Yūri wonders how he’s somehow managed to fall for a guy whose first move was to give him a purple dildo.

\---

Coffee with Victor is wonderful. _Victor_ is wonderful. He’s flirty without being overwhelming and Yūri actually feels wanted and attractive in a way that doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable. It’s a new sensation.

Which, of course, just makes Yūri more confused about the whole situation.

They’re on their second date, dinner this time, and Yūri’s halfway through his second glass of wine when he decides he can’t take it anymore and blurts out, “Why’d you give it to me?”

“What?” Victor asks, blinking at him from across the table.

“You know,” Yūri replies. In the back of his mind, he wonders if he’s a little buzzed. “The _thing_.”

“I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific,” Victor laughs, looking vaguely amused.

“The first time we talked,” Yūri replies, willing Victor to understand so he doesn’t have to say the word ‘dildo’ aloud in a nice restaurant.

“I don’t remember giving you anything the first time we talked,” Victor says, the corners of his lips turning down in a slight frown. “Although I think you did try to give me a shot glass?”

“What? No, I’m talking about – ” Yūri cuts himself off, glancing around the restaurant, and then leans in closer to Victor, pitching his voice low. “ – the _dildo_.”

Victor chokes on his wine.

He sputters for a moment, coughing, and finally manages to wheeze, “I don’t recall giving you a dildo, and I think I’d remember giving you something like that.”

“It was in the cardboard box you gave me the first time we talked!” Yūri exclaims.

“ _That’s_ what was in there?” Victor sputters. He almost spills his wine and finally sets the glass down on the table. “Also that was the second time we spoke, not the first.”

“What?” Yūri replies, blinking at Victor owlishly through his glasses. “No, it was the first time.”

“It was definitely not the first time,” Victor snorts. “The first time was when you tried pole dancing at that bar, Kachu something.”

“Pole… dancing?” Yūri repeats. Briefly, he wonders if he drank more than he thought he did, because none of this is making sense.

“You really don’t remember,” Victor says, surprise clear in his expression. “I mean, you were pretty drunk at the time, I suppose. You yelled something about ‘unleashing your sexuality’ and then started stripping – ”

“In the middle of _Minako’s bar?_ ” Yūri sputters, his cheeks flushing very, very red.

“I’m afraid I don’t know much about pole dancing, but you were good,” Victor replies, propping his cheek up on his hand. “And I enjoyed dancing with you too.”

“We pole danced together?” Yūri says weakly, trying not to think about what Victor would look like half naked and grinding against a pole.

“No, no, just ballroom dancing,” Victor answers, and Yūri’s not sure if that’s better or worse. “My friend Chris did pole dance with you, though. He was very impressed with your skills.”

“So I pole danced,” Yūri says, looking at Victor dubiously, “but you did not give me a dildo.”

“Oh, no, that just got delivered to my apartment instead of yours,” Victor says, his lips turning down in a slight frown. “The name was yours but the apartment number was mine, and I figured it was a typo. To be honest, I was glad to have an excuse to go see you – ”

Something occurs to Yūri and he hastily digs his phone out of his pocket, bringing up his online banking account. He fumbles to put the password in, and then scrolls through the purchase history on his credit card, finally stopping to stare at a charge for a purchase that he definitely doesn’t remember making.

“I,” Yūri says weakly, “ordered the dildo?”

The two of them are quiet for a moment.

Then, Victor says, “Did you use it?”

“What?” Yūri sputters, his cheeks heating.

“I’m just curious about whether or not you used it,” Victor replies, a small smirk gracing his lips. There’s a look in his eyes that makes Yūri feel a little too hot. “Even though you thought it was from me.”

“I might have used it,” Yūri admits, his face very, very red by now.

“After dinner, would you mind showing it to me?” Victor asks, his voice low and smooth in a way that makes chills run up Yūri’s spine. “Just so I know it’s actually real, of course. I’m curious now.”

“It’s very purple,” Yūri says, before his brain to mouth filter kicks in.

“I love purple!” Victor replies, smiling pleasantly.

“Well,” Yūri says, swallowing thickly, “I guess I can show it to you, then.”

Victor smiles and Yūri wonders if it’s possible to blush so much that you faint.

\---

(In the end, Yūri does a lot more than just show the dildo to Victor and Yūri decides that maybe he actually does make the occasional good purchase when drunk.)

**Author's Note:**

> i'm [here](https://twitter.com/authorkurikuri) on twitter, and on tumblr i'm [letaizawarest](https://letaizawarest.tumblr.com) but they're both 99% bnha, so i wouldn't suggest following for YOI content


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